A Task That Must Be Done

The choice of coffin is often a task that causes emotional reaction among the bereaved. Most large funeral homes have a “casket room,” a display area filled with the variety of available coffins. For many, walking into this room brings the bereaved into stark confrontation with the reality of death facing them. For some, it can be a terribly disconcerting experience. For others, it brings a sense of peace and relief. Whatever the reaction, it is a task that must be done.
– My Jewish Learning

As you see, the excerpt is from a site called My Jewish Learning, but this bit about choosing a coffin is not, in fact, a specifically Jewish learning. Nor is it religious in any sense, really.

For some, it can be a terribly disconcerting experience. For others, it brings a sense of peace and relief. Whatever the reaction, it is a task that must be done.

Indeed, the understanding that my feelings can’t and don’t excuse me from doing the work at hand might be called a basic adult learning.

Whatever the reaction, it is a task that must be done.

It applies to many tasks less inherently emotional than choosing a coffin, but much more frequent. Writing exams. Changing a diaper. Washing a floor. Finding food. Cleaning up after eating food. Keeping a car serviced. Flossing. Ridding the house of things I don’t need. Exercising. Keeping up-ish with technology. Completing the 10,047 tasks involved in an inter-provincial move, to use an example of current relevance. Life can be seen as just one damned task-that-must-be-done after another.

I might feel bored, disgusted, tired, impatient, reluctant, fearful, or overwhelmed by any or all of these tasks. There’s a whole emotional-self-help stream in current-ish thinking that advises me to feel my feelings, dagnab it; for example here, here, here, and here. I have no objection to that advice. The question is what to do next?

I guess that depends. If my feelings are incapacitating, I likely require professional help quickly. If my feelings are hard to understand or contradictory, I likely need time (and, maybe, help) to sort that out. But if my feelings are just my feelings, well, OK. In the great boxing ring of life, I can nod to those feelings cat-calling from the first row of seats, and turn my attention to the actual opponent in the far corner. I can feel my feelings and still get on with the fight, whatever that happens to be.

Whatever the reaction, it is a task that must be done.

Yup.