The Other Armageddon

I blame the decades I spent editing technical text written by technical experts who were not always technical writers.

Spring cleaning is actually not just trite to eliminate dust as well as gunk. Yet our experts need to conduct an analysis of wintertime apparel.

The decades in which I learned to ignore surface garble while trying to discern the deep, intended meaning.

Coming from unnecessary things to eliminate, you need to have to well-maintained as well as identify the storing. Get rid of the garbage and give yourself an additional guarantee certainly not to conserve needless junk.

Learned to eliminate redundant words, standardize point-of-view, simplify sentence structure . . .

Clean the wall structures and ceilings, wash the windows, allow the spring right into our home, repel the hibernation.

 . . . and to correct obvious errors in diction.

We will certainly pertain to you even when you are at the other armageddon and also perform the cleaning at the highest degree.

Learned to ignore boasts. And to correct unintended caveats therein.

We give cleansing where others may certainly not cope.

Learned that it’s more important that the text mean *something* on time, rather than the right thing too late.

Buying such a service as “Spring season Cleaning” in our provider, you obtain the probability of high-grade cleaning of the adjoining area of our home.

Maybe it’s a shame that I didn’t learn instead to cut and run. As I puzzle through blog comments flagged by an artful algorithm or brilliant bot as possible spam, it would likely be better if I could immediately dismiss less-than-fully coherent communications as meaningless.

Merely give us a call.

Well, I’ll do just that. Right after eliminating any dust or gunk (and needless junk), analyzing my winter apparel, washing anything that doesn’t move, and repelling the hibernation. After all, I’ve always wanted to pay for the adjoining area of someone else’s home to receive a high-grade cleaning/cleansing.

Certainly? Probably.

This entry was posted in Language and Communication, Laughing Frequently, Wired and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to The Other Armageddon

  1. Tom Watson says:

    Isabel
    I get what you’re saying. Trouble is…well, there are two troubles, really.

    One is I have way too much stuff. But it’s all good stuff, mind you. So even if I haven’t used it something for, say 10 years or so, who’s to say that I won’t need to use it tomorrow? And then where am I?

    The second trouble is that now I’m having to do a re-think. They’re replacing all the windows in our condo building, so I have to make room for them to get at my windows. In already overcrowded rooms, where do I stash what needs to be moved?

    Just one example. Over the years I accumulated 325 LP records. Two years ago, since I hadn’t played any of those records for nigh on to 15 years, I gave ’em all to a young friend. But I kept two vinyl record players, an amplifier, three sets of speakers, an an Am/FM player with a cassette player. Why? Might need that stuff someday.

    Now that I have to make room, the best thing to do was to part with those treasures.
    But now…even though they’re all in good working order…know what they really are in today’s world? Electronic waste!

    Which actually amounts to a third trouble: My precious stuff is nuthin’ but electronic waste.

    Talk about Armageddon! Sigh.
    Tom

  2. Marilyn Smith says:

    Tom, I’m wondering why only the LPs were given to the young friend, without the equipment to listen to them! Or maybe he or she already had that equipment. In my basement “collection of things I don’t want but can’t bring myself to throw away” is a portable record player that is likely 60 years old (someone was throwing it away so I took it, for sentimental reasons), not in the greatest shape, and I’m not sure just how my old Johnny Rivers LPs will sound on it because I’ve never used it (why risk scratching a good Johnny Rivers LP that hasn’t been played in oh, 50 years!). I really want to dump that record player, but then, I also have some of those yellow centre things to play 45’s, of which I also have four or five, including “I Want to Hold Your Hand” and “Classical Gas” and that record player is the only equipment that…..(I say this to myself every time I see the damm thing!) Everywhere I look — not junk –memorabilia!! I think this is diverging from your discourse, Isabel, but Tom started it. Plus, as I’m sure you’ve observed, I hate/dislike/intensely avoid cleaning because once I get started, I can’t stop! Yes, I should see someone about that (not Marie Kondo). Well, this was therapeutic!! Thank you!

    • Isabel Gibson says:

      Marilyn – Maybe you could form a support group with Tom – trading the stuff you find hard to get rid of? I believe he has a collection of old telephone cords looking for a good home. I figure it’s easier to throw out someone else’s memorabilia.

  3. Marilyn Smith says:

    Speaking of concise writing — Sign seen on telephone pole: “Garage Sale — Our Crap Could be Your Crap!” That spoke to me!

    • Isabel Gibson says:

      Marilyn – Short and to the point, certainly.

    • Tom Watson says:

      Marilyn
      Runs in my mind that George Carlin did a skit about stuff. Not junk…stuff.

      Your asking why the young friend didn’t take the vinyl player at the time. I never thought to ask him if he wanted it.

      There’s more to the story. When I retired…the first time…in 2002, I decided to transfer all those LPs onto CDs and then get rid of the LPs. Bought a player that had a computer hook-up to do the transfers using software. Worked slick. Slick but not quick. Converted 20 or 21 and ran out of steam for the project. But I didn’t get rid of even those I had transferred.

      Now, 2 years after I gave him the LPs, I asked him if he wanted any of the equipment. He took the player with the special hook-up…that’s all.

      I decided to take the rest to Habitat for Humanity Restore. The woman attendant said, “Thanks for your donation.” As I walked back to my car, I saw her taking all that precious, still-working, stuff and just plunking it in a huge bin marked Electronic Waste. Everything in me was screaming, “Hey! That’s all good stuff. My stuff!”

      Kinda knocks the incentive to purge into a cocked hat. From now on, I ain’t givin’ anything away unless the recipient promises to treat it kindly!
      Tom

  4. barbara carlson says:

    Things rule. We serve.

  5. Marilyn Smith says:

    Tom, I totally hear you!! Your Habitat experience, sadly, made me laugh out loud! I still have my first computer monitor. I going to have to rethink this practice!

  6. Marilyn Smith says:

    Tom, that’s a great offer, which I will gratefully decline. But thank you!

  7. This highly original material has the feel of an advertisement written in someone’s native tongue then given to an online translator to turn into English. If I were a linguist, I might be able to peer deeper into the intended meanings and word choices to make a guess at its owner’s natal language. The finished product is a doozie.

  8. Tom Watson says:

    Isabel
    See what happens once you mention Armageddon? All hell breaks loose!
    Tom

  9. Ken from Kenora says:

    Which brings to mind the word ‘tautological’ which I learned from my old and departed friend Hitchens, I know that I’ve been guilty in the past trying to make someone feel that I am smarter than I am.

    • Isabel Gibson says:

      Ken – A thin line between genius and incoherence? Perhaps. Maybe it’s like the square/rectangle thing: All squares being rectangles, but not all rectangles being squares.

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