The Week that Was; The Awards that Are (& Will Be?)

Word this week of Governor Cuomo’s Emmy for his COVID-19 briefings has inspired me to give out my own awards to political leaders and government officials.

To all the contestants who participated: Thank you! See you next week . . .

Week’s Best Apology (h/t to John Robson)

“This govt made a grave mistake in the spring
when we made a stupid arbitrary distinction
between essential and nonessential retail businesses.
… [it was] a stupid mistake that we made
and for that I apologize.”
Jason Kenney, Premier of Alberta

Week’s Worst Obfuscation (h/t to John Robson) (again)

“Let me be clear, we are not moving into a lockdown.”
Jason Kenney, Premier of Alberta
(yup, two awards in one week)

Week’s Best In-Your-Dreams Promise

“My fellow Canadians, today I am announcing
that I will not move on the issue that is closest to my heart,
global warming,
until every Aboriginal community in Canada
has clean, reliable drinking water.”
– Justin Trudeau, PM of Canada
as imagined by Rex Murphy

Week’s Weaselliest Excuse

“I made my decision as a husband and father,
and for those who are angry and disappointed,
I humbly ask you to forgive decisions
that are borne [sic] of my heart and not my head.”
Michael Hancock, Mayor of Denver
about flying to Mississippi for Thanksgiving
right after imploring Denver residents to stay home

Week’s Gentlest Rebuke

“This is awkward. The call isn’t until 5.15pm today.”
Melanie Paradis,
Director of Communications for Erin O’Toole,
commenting on the 4:34 release by the PMO
of a read-out from a call before it occurred

Week’s Straightest-from-the-Shoulder Comment : A Tie

“This is totally unacceptable that my neighbours
are being intimidated, being threatened,
and these people, they need to stop.
Stop acting like a bunch of buffoons out there
and start respecting the people of Ontario.”
Doug Ford, Premier of Ontario,
on protestors being outside his home

The confidential, internal conversations have been shared –
actions that are a violation
of the public service oath and code of conduct.
This is a personal betrayal, and a betrayal of the trust
that our hard-working team has placed in each other.”
Dr. Deena Hinshaw,
Alberta’s Chief Medical Officer of Health
on the leak of a (surreptitious?) recording

And, the drumroll please . . . a winner in two categories . . .

Week’s Best Homage to 2001: A Space Odyssey &
Week’s Best Official Statement in any Category

“It is illegal to install structures or art without authorization
on federally managed public lands,
no matter what planet you’re from.”
Utah Department of Public Safety
on the discovery of a monolith in the desert

 

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4 Responses to The Week that Was; The Awards that Are (& Will Be?)

  1. All of which comments prove that it is impossible to be in politics and preserve a sense of humour, although the UDPS comes close. We, on the other hand, can let them exercise ours.

    • Isabel Gibson says:

      Laurna – I expect successful politicians learn early on not to make jokes unless they’re clearly telling one. (And these days, maybe not even then.) The chances of being quoted accurately but unfairly (and world without end) are just too high.

  2. Jim Robertson says:

    All excellent awards!!

    (no matter what planet you are from)

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