This sucks.
As the Big Guy wanders in the mental fog that attends the aftermath of cardiac arrest–If you’re lucky!–this is his phrase-of-the-day.
This sucks.
He can’t articulate the pain, confusion, and anxiety that I imagine he feels, but this phrase captures it nicely, I think.
This sucks.
From his perspective it’s hard to argue the point and yet, for those of us who have not been sedated for two days, *this* does not suck. The day before yesterday sucked. Yesterday sucked. *Today* is a damned good day because the Big Guy is awake and alert.
As I wander the Ottawa Heart Institute’s parking lot, halls, and adjacent neighbourhood, I find more signs that today is a good day. The truth is, the signs were there before I was of any mind to see them. Waiting for me to find my perspective, maybe.
For the next few weeks, I expect to be busy with this latest turn of the road, and not so busy with this blog. If I’m not here, I’ll be somewhere else. Wherever I am, I hope I can remember that even a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day doesn’t totally suck. And even if it does, maybe tomorrow won’t.
Perspective is everything and while having a positive attitude cures nothing, it keeps the pain at bay and helps find a way forward . Wishing you and the Big Guy all the best.
Thanks, Dorothy. It’s like the old “joke”: There’s no cure for life.
Thank you for the update, and for trusting us readers enough to share your pain. You look very alone in that picture of the reflection — and I’m sure you feel that way.
Jim T – It’s an odd time, for sure. My usual confidant is hors de combat: logical given that most of what I have to confide is about him! I have good supports, but it is a lonely time.
I am sending you a long & warm hug, dear Isabel. And “white light” to your hubby.
Your photographs today are poignant, especially the first one of you, alone, reflected in cold and arcane hospital machinery, but comforting, too. Big Guy is in the right place for the moment surrounded by help: human and mechanical.
The other two also unconsciously (?) reveal your state of mind… the wobbliness of life right now. But also a magnolia flower and a bud… a good day today, more to come.
Barbara – Wobbly is about right. Thanks for the hug.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery to both of you!
Ian – Many thanks.
Nice distractions/perspectives-on-life), even including a lonely you in a sterile institutional looking place.
(An institutional place where almost-miracles are performed regularly)
Glad to know Ivan is coming along well considering what he has been through.
Jim R – They do perform miracles regularly – almost routinely. I think. It’s impressive.
Your words and your photos are beautiful and inspiring. So glad that the days improve as he improves.
Judith – 🙂
Isabel
Sure thinking about you and The Big Guy!
Tom
Thanks, Tom.
Great post Isabel. My prayers are with The Big Guy and YOU. And you are right, his definition of what “sucks” can’t compare to yours. Stay strong!
Lynne – Many thanks. 🙂
I think the big guy had it right “this sucks” is an accurate summary of current events.
Being alive to share that sentiment is of course an incredibly positive position.
Hope the recovery goes well and that each day is a blessing.
Mary and Thom.
Thom – Oh, well, the world was ever thus. And yes, we’re lucky to be alive.
Isabel, I’m thinking of you two all the time. Also, that’s a great photo of you two dipping your feet in the Arctic ocean.
Judith – We look a little younger! Only because we were. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts.
Keeping you and the Big Guy in my thoughts and prayers, Isabel. As I spend part of every day in the Kingston ICU, and the other part of my days with my fading Beloved, I have inklings of your lonely walk. Holding you in the Light.
Thank you, Laurna. Holding you and yours in my thoughts, also.
at times the world is twisted (as per photo 2)!
Hopefully it will soon right itself.
Thanks, Barry. It appears to be straightening as we speak.
Sorry to be late responding to this – a busy week – and honestly, I didn’t really think you’d get around to blogging?? or taking pictures ? you’re on top of it! Hospitals are lonely places in many ways – I’m glad that I am familiar enough with the environment that I feel “at home” in them. It makes it much easier.
You’re both doing amazingly! and I think of daily, and hope that you don’t wear out as you navigate your way through all the daily issues. Take care
Alison – Thanks so much for your support. The news (not sure whether it’s good or not) is that we’re very quickly becoming familiar with the hospital environment. And the staff are all excellent, with some more excellent still.
I obviously missed this when first posted. So pleased to see that you both are doing much better. Modern medicine can do wonders. I have just received a very successful cochlear implant in my right ear — and I can now hear there (82%). Amazing!
Take care, Mike and Gail
Mike – Congratulations! I’ll pass your kind regards along to himself.