You’re a good woman.
(slight emphasis on the good)
If you’re not a woman you won’t have heard this addressed to you, but you might have said it or heard it used — it, or this punchier variant.
Good woman.
(slight and entirely optional emphasis
on the 1st syllable of woman)
For no reason that I remember, I got thinking this week about when and how I use this phrase. For me, it’s the approximate adult-female equivalent of Good job, buddy. I’m not being insincere at all, but it can carry a nuance of ever-so-slightly exaggerated approval for just-less-than-slight comic effect. Or I can use it when a sincerely expressed compliment seems just a hair over-the-top or when it might generate mutual embarrassment.
Did you manage a difficult customer without showing any fear or impatience or disrespect? Good woman.
Did you sign up for a challenging class well outside your usual comfort zone? Good woman.
Did you fix some minor problem that others had walked by? Good woman.
So. It’s obviously a useful phrase. Can we do it this way instead?
You’re a good person.
Yeah, no. This phrasing lacks a punchy version — Good person, said no one ever — and it doesn’t mean anything close to Good job, buddy. This can only be delivered sincerely as part of a conversation. It can’t be thrown out in passing.
OK, so what about this?
Good girl.
Delivered to an adult, this has much the same meaning as Good woman, but it can either imply a greater level of familiarity between speaker and listener, or it can signal that your intention is genuine but casual. A we’re-not-really-going-to-interact-right-now-but-I-wanted-to-express-my-approval message. Would I use it with a stranger of any age? No. With a casual acquaintance? Maybe. But carefully.
Whew. What about this?
You’re a good girl.
Yeah, no. Like You’re a good person, this has a distinct meaning unrelated to task approval. I expect it’s used more with dogs these days than with human kidlets, whose goodness these days is understood to be inherent rather than contingent on, well, anything really. Noting it in a specific circumstance, therefore, is just wrong.
Can a man safely say Good woman? I’m guessing that has its own subtleties: lines that are obvious only after they’ve been crossed.
All of this, of course, applies only within my speech community — seniors in North America who are native speakers of English — if it applies even that far. Even your results, faithful readers, may vary, and for sure I have no idea what those crazy kids under 60 are saying these days.
Aa long as you don’t say to me, “Good for you.” I find that extremely patronizing and even a little snarly.
Barbara – Is that reaction independent of tone? And familiarity with the speaker? There’s a whole field of study here. Not that I’m going to undertake it . . .
It doesn’t matter who says it to me. Or the tone. It just sticks in my craw. 😀
Got it!
I suffice with “Well done”, if I have to. I would slap anyone who said “Good Girl” to me, and probably “Good Woman” too – metaphorically, of course, because my violence muscles have long been atrophied, if I had any. All of it is patronizing, as if I am in a judgemental position of determining what is good. When we are saying these things to a child, we are being patronizing also, but most kids are asking to be judged favourably.
Judith – It’s a minefield out there! As I said, it’s a wonder we communicate as well as we do, even allowing for the atrophy of violence muscles.
The other day, I sent an email to a man, asking to reserve two tickets, and our usual seats, for a concert in November.
He replied, “Of course, good man.” I thought it a slightly unusual comment, but it wasn’t at all offensive.
Tom
Tom – I’d agree on both counts – but it’s very much in the eye of the beholder/or the ear thereof. I heard a lawyer start a rebuttal to a colleague (also a lawyer) with “My learned friend…” and the meeting collapsed in laughter. Tone might not be everything but it’s a lot of communication.
From the tone of the posting and the responses, I am guessing that a simple football “slap on the ass” and “well done” would not suffice.
Eric – A good guess.
Gosh, we miss you both!
Good answer, and it *would* work for me!
There you do, Eric – a satisfied “customer”.
Isabel – and to think I never gave a thought to the phrase, “You’re a good woman.” ever before in my life. Now my life is changed forever.
John – 🙂 My work here is done. At least until next weekend.