There are aliens among us.
Space aliens, that is, not illegal aliens, although when you think about it, they may well be both. After all, it’s hard to see that stealthy invaders from another galaxy would have filled in the proper forms at any of our overseas consulates, queuing politely for entrance to Canada.
For the most part they live quietly. Are they more refugees than invaders, then, happy to live out their lives peacefully in this interstellar backwater? Or are they up to something as subtle as it is sinister? Perhaps waiting for their signal from the mother ship that Now is the Time? Watching for some predetermined indication that our society is Ripe for the Taking? Or are their plans Even More Diabolical?
They used to communicate with others of their ilk just monthly; indeed, it was one of these publications that gave me incontrovertible evidence of their presence just last year. The tip-off? These supposed do-it-yourself project instructions, brazenly shown on the front cover…
Build a lamp from plumbing pipe
Yeah, like any real live human boy would even think of doing that, by himself or otherwise.
Fix flaws in a granite countertop
A dead giveaway: no house with a lamp made from plumbing pipe would also have granite countertop. Do they think we’re stupid?
Convert your car to natural gas
Our cars already use gas that I’m pretty sure is “natural”: I mean, it comes from crude oil which comes from zooplankton and algae, for goodness sake. What could be more natural than that?
How to rotate tires without messing up the pressure-monitoring system
Yeah, like there’s some pressure-monitoring system in our cars that no one has even heard of. Hah!
Remove yourself from the internet
This is a classic attempt at misdirection: they clearly now rely on the internet for their ongoing coded communication. The current set of articles — cleverly written as if for human passenger vehicles — is a perfect example:
Can I quiet my car’s cabin noise?
How to prepare for the perfect road trip
Why cruise control stops working
Yes, these aliens in our midst are clearly in the midst of some nefariousness. What are they really working on? I don’t know, but I fear the worst: the conversion of our entire planet into an interstellar craft that will soon see us launched into the trackless spaces between the stars on the ultimate involuntary “road trip”.
There are aliens among us. I see little that we can do to save ourselves now. For all our sakes, though, I just hope they can keep the “cruise control” working…