Thread, fishing line, string, knitting lifeline. OK, that’s four. I’m going good.
Tripwire in case of home invasion. Garroting tool. That’s six, total, but when my ideas are being inspired by improbable action movies, I think I’m slowing down.
Oh, wait, I feel a late surge coming on.
Plumb line. Guidelines for planting garden rows. Ornament holders. Hey, that’s nine! But it seems like cheating to count both “string” and all the derivative uses to which I might put string. Doesn’t it?
Count towards what?
Ah, sorry. To count towards the 500+ uses for dental floss, as touted in this week’s teeny-tiny flyer from Costco. See?
I admit that it took me a while to see that “OVER 500 USES” tagline.
I admit that I was surprised at this marketing feint: Isn’t the obvious and intended use sufficient to sell dental floss these days? Have we become so demanding as a society that we need multiple uses for everything? Must everything be re-imagined in a Swiss-army-knife version?
I admit further that I was sceptical of the claim: over 500 uses for dental floss? Really? I mean, beyond the designed-for-purpose one, that would require at least another 500, and I’m not getting anywhere close to that number.
I admit, finally, that it took me a ridiculous amount of time to realize that it meant 500 servings, portions, measures, lengths, times teeth can be flossed: 500 uses.
On the other hand, it left me with a question that I’m sure my subconscious will work on. How many distinct uses *does* dental floss have? So far, 10 and counting.
Make your own fun.
And there’s no way that “500” doesn’t bring this song to mind. Da da lat da . . .
Although any folkies in the crowd might have thought of this, slightly, um, slooower rendition of a completely different song.