Do you have anything to declare?
We’re second in line in the Nexus queue, having just flown in from Phoenix via a layover in Chicago. It’s been a long-ish day, with a fair amount of standing in lines before we even got here. Since landing, we’ve navigated the almost-endless hallways (longer every year, somehow) of the international-arrivals part of Ottawa International Airport, and the I-swear-it’s-never-the-same-experience-twice Nexus kiosks. Our departure from the country seems to be the cue to revise their user interface.
Now we stand, looking, I’m sure, old and tired, with our “receipt” from said kiosk in hand, ready to go to the next step, whether that’s being waved through to wait for our luggage or waved over to explain ourselves to a Canadian Border Services officer in his own kind of kiosk. All that stands between us and that next step is another flier: frequent enough to have paid for a Nexus card, but not frequent enough to understand the question just asked by the person who decides whether to wave through or over: a Canadian Border Services officer standing, unencumbered by any kiosk, at the head of this line. Why do I think my fellow flier doesn’t understand? Because of his response to the officer’s question.
Question: Do you have anything to declare?
Response: What would I declare?
The officer is not in make-a-connection mode. Her unsmiling reply is either matter-of-fact or terse, maybe depending on whether you’re overhearing it or being spoken to.
Anything over the limit.
You’d think that would end the matter, right? I do think so. I’m wrong. He has another question.
What’s the limit?
Now, that’s a simple-sounding question with a slightly complicated answer, depending as it does on how long you’ve been out of the country, and whether you have tobacco products or liquor. I wonder how she’ll answer it. She doesn’t.
How much are you bringing in?
I neither laugh, nor snort. I don’t even grin, such is my hard-earned control of myself in Customs situations. But it’s a shame, really, because she deserves to have positive feedback for her perfect response.
In admiring the officer’s ability to interact politely yet completely unhelpfully — No, no, you go first, sir, I insist — I miss the flier’s answer. Whatever he says, though, he gets waved over for a little more conversation. And we’re up!
Do you have anything to declare?
I shake my head. No. And we’re waved through.
Sometimes it’s OK (even essential) for persons in authority to be forthcoming and helpful; sometimes it’s not. Canadian Border Services officers aren’t running a help desk: they’re running an enforcement operation. It’s a good distinction to keep straight at the border and anywhere I deal with persons of authority.
It’s also good to remember that, even for me, being helpful-in-the-immediate-moment is a choice, not an obligation. There may be times — as a family member, a friend, a community member, a customer — when I need an honest answer.
Question: What’s the limit?
Response: How much are you bringing in?
“Canadian Border Services officers aren’t running a help desk: they’re running an enforcement operation. It’s a good distinction to keep straight at the border and anywhere I deal with persons of authority.”
Excellent concise analysis of the situation !!
Does that put Revenue Canada in a self-inflected conflict of interest with their “helpline” I wonder?
Jim R – Well, it’s a good point about the Revenooers. Based on audits of the call-in line, they don’t always seem to be doing either information dissemination OR enforcement!
One time we were vacationing in our trailer, came from New Brunswick into Maine. The U.S. border guard said he wanted to look in our trailer. He started looking in cupboards and I asked what he was looking for. He replied, “citrus fruit.” I said, “Oh, we quit growing that in Canada.” Not a good thing to say! He didn’t respond, simply pulled everything out of drawers and cupboards. Took me best part of an hour to put everything back.
Tom
Tom – Yeah, the less said the better, usually.
When you’re asked “Do you have anything to declare?” just don’t say, “Only the crack in my bottom.” (H/T to old and hilarious British sitcom — One Foot in The Grave.)
Great post, Isabel. You do keep coming up with them. 😀
Barbara – 🙂 As Tom noted, humour often doesn’t travel well.