Niceness Be Damned

OK, that’s it. This has gotta stop. There’s a limit to how much Canadians can be expected to accept; how much we’re willing to be imposed upon.

A few decades ago I started repatriating sparkly and smooth Canadian rocks from various sites in Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming and Montana. These rocks had been expatriated by glacier action without our permission, express or otherwise. That wanton theft didn’t align with my general impression of the USofA, but even great countries have their moments, especially during the lawless Pleistocene.

Smmoth stones piled on driftwood log on beach

Now I find that Australia is an even earlier offender, dating to the era of the super continent, Pangaea, maybe 1.6 billion years ago.

Geologists from Curtin University in Perth, Australia, examined rock samples from the area around Georgetown in northern Queensland. Their analysis suggests that these rocks have chemical signatures very different from rocks found in the rest of Australia, and are quite similar to rocks found in Canada.

Rocks “found in Canada”? Canadian rocks, I think you mean, mate. And here we’re not talking about some mere tonnes of Canadian rocks scraped along by a glacier and dumped wherever in clear violation of international law. Here we’re talking about an illegitimately relocated chunk of Canadian territory: Canadian all the way down.

Anyone can make a mistake. What distinguishes a great country from an also-ran is the willingness to acknowledge and to rectify its mistakes. In this case, to give our rocks back. The principle here is the same as the call to repatriate the Elgin Marbles, or to return sacred artifacts to indigenous peoples the world over.

Given our long and mostly peaceful relationship with the USofA, we might consider a simple redrawing of the Canadian border to encompass the aforementioned states.

Given our Commonwealth relationship with Australia, we might consider something requiring less logistical effort than the repatriation of the entire Queensland peninsula. Maybe special airfares in perpetuity to facilitate our clear visitation rights. Or maybe a bridge . . .


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10 Responses to Niceness Be Damned

  1. Tom Watson says:

    Thanks for “unearthing” this historical travesty. I had no idea.

  2. Jim Robertson says:

    I like the bridge idea to Australia (with a hyperloop on it?)

    • Isabel Gibson says:

      Jim R – Where’s that SpaceX guy when “we” need him? This is eXactly his kind of project.

  3. Eric Hrycyk says:

    The rocks in USA are no longer Canadian are are now considered “dreamers”. Their hopes for citizenship have recently been dimmed Pres. Trump.

    • Isabel Gibson says:

      Eric – LOL. Maybe it would expedite an agreement if we agreed to take those northern states, thereby eliminating the rock count from the amnesty total.

  4. This piece rocks, Isabel.
    Fair is fair.
    And terribly funny!

  5. Barry says:

    At this time of year I certainly like the idea of the hyperloop.
    Is there any chance it could include a few stops in the South Pacific?

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