Pharmacy Follies

On these dreary fall days in Ottawa, when all the leaves are gone and the sky is grey, it’s good to get out the house, even just to the national-drugstore-chain local representative.  It keeps my blood pressure from getting dangerously low.

On All Saints’ Day — aka the Day of the Dead — the pallets of leftover Hallowe’en treats were not yet on sale (not that I, you know, checked), but the Christmas decorations had already appeared.  

Red and silver Christmas balls
Gracing the top of the milk cooler

After all, it would not do for us to be without a merchandising theme for even one day.

Sigh.

On the way out the store, I saw one of those celebrity magazines.  You know the ones I mean: They grace the checkouts across this great land, and enliven the wait in line.  Now, I don’t read the inside of these magazines, but I’m always a little tickled when I recognize the celebrity on the outside, either by their photo or by their name.  It makes me feel, you know, with it.  Today was a good day: I tracked both the photo and the name.

Jennifer Garner — not the Jennifer who was married to and callously dumped by Brad Pitt, and who was reportedly repeatedly humiliated by every child added to his family with Angelina Jolie, and yet who apparently still pines for him, but, rather, the Jennifer who’s been married to, separated from, reconciled with, reseparated from, and divorced from (or perhaps by)  Ben Affleck  — anyway, that Jennifer has a new love in her life.

Jen’s secret sweetheart just a Regular Joe!

The breathless sub-title? “He’s a CEO.”  Well, thank goodness he’s not someone doing a prestigious job, like acting.  Just a regular old Chief Executive Officer.

Now, I can live with these stories being untrue, but I object to them being incoherent.  In this case, the headline writer and the magazine editor appear to be unclear on two concepts that are critical to this story: “secret” and “regular Joe.”

Maybe I’ll send them a little note.

 

6 Comments

  1. Outright lies and photoshopped photos — hilarious stuff! — I look inside them
    waiting for John with his own personal cart at the grocery stores, going aisle by aisle.

    Over the years, I have read weekly, a few pages at a time and marvel at how many times people
    are pregnant who are not; the Queen is dying; the Queen is stepping down; etc., etc.
    On the internet it’s “click bait”. I don’t fall for it on-line, but can’t resist it on a rack.

    Is that a guilty pleasure?

    1. Isabel Gibson

      Barbara – I don’t think opening the cover is any better or worse than reading said cover -just don’t let them trick you! I think the Queen has abdicated in favour of William and Kate a few times in the last few years. As if she even could.

        1. Isabel Gibson

          Barbara – Aha. Maybe there’s a video in here somewhere. How crazy-yet-not-exactly-impossible can we be? If only I could rap. That seems like the right mode.

  2. Jim Taylor

    So…. when someone else is writing stories about you, and you let them go, do you have a soul anymore? Or have you sold it, a la Faust, and simply become a cardboard cutout?
    Jim T

    1. Isabel Gibson

      Jim – I dunno. The entertainment business has its own drivers regarding publicity, but it’s interesting to me that not every actor seems to play that game. And, of course, the Royal Family and celebrities of a similar scale can’t challenge every untrue story – they’d never do anything else. I saw one magazine today that announced – “It’s Official!” – that the dying Queen Elizabeth had made Kate the new Queen. Not sure how/where William played in this storyline, not to mention Charles.

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