On these dreary fall days in Ottawa, when all the leaves are gone and the sky is grey, it’s good to get out the house, even just to the national-drugstore-chain local representative. It keeps my blood pressure from getting dangerously low.
On All Saints’ Day — aka the Day of the Dead — the pallets of leftover Hallowe’en treats were not yet on sale (not that I, you know, checked), but the Christmas decorations had already appeared.
After all, it would not do for us to be without a merchandising theme for even one day.
On the way out the store, I saw one of those celebrity magazines. You know the ones I mean: They grace the checkouts across this great land, and enliven the wait in line. Now, I don’t read the inside of these magazines, but I’m always a little tickled when I recognize the celebrity on the outside, either by their photo or by their name. It makes me feel, you know, with it. Today was a good day: I tracked both the photo and the name.
Jennifer Garner — not the Jennifer who was married to and callously dumped by Brad Pitt, and who was reportedly repeatedly humiliated by every child added to his family with Angelina Jolie, and yet who apparently still pines for him, but, rather, the Jennifer who’s been married to, separated from, reconciled with, reseparated from, and divorced from (or perhaps by) Ben Affleck — anyway, that Jennifer has a new love in her life.
Jen’s secret sweetheart just a Regular Joe!
The breathless sub-title? “He’s a CEO.” Well, thank goodness he’s not someone doing a prestigious job, like acting. Just a regular old Chief Executive Officer.
Now, I can live with these stories being untrue, but I object to them being incoherent. In this case, the headline writer and the magazine editor appear to be unclear on two concepts that are critical to this story: “secret” and “regular Joe.”
Maybe I’ll send them a little note.