Our local pharmacy-cum-grocery-cum-department-store had Advent calendars for sale on Hallowe’en afternoon. I think I saw Valentine’s Day candy on the shelves around mid-December, although it might just as easily have been Easter eggs. These days there’s no time for a decent interlude. We must have something to celebrate/buy at all times.
As in retail so it is with the media. This week has been a strange jumble of sincerely fake Christmas cheer, that-was-the-year-that-was nostalgia, and OMG-what’s-coming-next silliness. I’ve already made my Christmas wishes but with respect to these last two elements I regret that I can’t do justice to a full year, past or future — my attention span might be broad but it’s not deep — but I will share some award-winning bits from the last tenday or so, in several categories.
Best Mixed Messaging (subcategory: Interstate Billboards)
Because she is a gift,
not a given.
The illustration? Sparkly jewelry, presumably diamonds.
The advertiser? Pawn Superstore.
Best Poetry (subcategories: URLs, Interstate Billboards)
Best Employee T-shirt (subcategory: Fast-Food Emporium)
Bacon your dreams come true
Best Patron T-shirt (subcategory: Fast-Food Emporium parking lot)
Big Country Snake Removal
Most Sensible Dietary Substitution for Regular Table Salt (subcategory: Fast-Food Emporium)
Most-Sensible New Chocolate Treat (subcategory: Candy-in-Candy)
Best Bilingual Pun (subcategories: Restaurant, English/Spanish)
Best Numerology (subcategories: Social Media Sites, Knitting Sites)
Best New Utensil (subcategories: Folding, Single-use Plastic)
And yes, the spoon on the right does have a hint of a face.
Best New Utensil (subcategories: Edible, Replacement for Single-use Plastic)
Forget those soggy paper straws: Starbuck’s got this.
Best Movie Homage (subcategories: Unintentional, “The Princess Bride”)
I’m worried about this frenzy of impeachment votes.
– An American politician in a radio interview
Wait for it . . .
We’ve now had 3 in the last 50 years.